Introducing food back into my life

 The day they started introducing food back to my life was scary. 
I remember sitting in the dining room where all us adolescents would sit to eat. There were two separate tables, one for patients with eating disorders as they had to be watched and the other for patients with different mental health issues.

I sat down with a nurse by my side, the first food they introduced back into my diet was an apple. 
In some way it was so nice having some food in my mouth but then it wasn't as I would feel terribly guilty, I thought I would put on weight just from an apple. 

The nurses would check my mouth before I was allowed to leave the table as I always used to hide my food and spit it out at home , plus I was learning new habits and tricks from the other patients with eating disorders.
After meal times patients with anorexia or bulimia would have to sit in the lounge for thirty minutes, we weren't allowed to go to the toilets or walk around as they didn't trust us not to be sick or manically exercise. 

The first few weeks of introducing food back into my diet passed by, I was doing well so far and just wanted to get out of there. I would get a lot of positive letters and cards of family and family friends which motivated me a bit.  

There was a school in the unit which I went to whilst I was there. I enjoyed going as it gave me something to do. I would have English, Welsh, I.T, art, maths and science lessons there. Whilst studying there I really enjoyed reading 'of mice and men'. 
There were even times we got to cook meals for the nurses and doctors. 

Some days were boring in the unit, especially when I wasn't allowed to do much exercise. The nurses would take some of us out in the mini bus and take us for little drives, other times we would go to the cinema, which was a nice get away from the unit. 
It was nice getting out of the unit, sometimes we would go down to Conwy and rent a dvd for us all to watch. 

I felt so home sick for the first few weeks there, I just wanted my family. I wasn't allowed to speak to them much on the phone as we weren't allowed phones. 
There was a telephone for patients to use to call family or friends, which I used sometimes but whenever I heard my mums voice I would get upset and just want to go home. 

Every Monday and Friday morning I would get woken up by one of the nurses at 7.30 am to get weighed. I hated getting on to the scales and knowing I was slowly putting on weight, but the only positive thing about it was I would be allowed one night at home if I kept putting weight on or maintaining. I would hear other girls saying they lost weight which I found hard but I just concentrated on getting better. 

A few weeks past and my meal plan was full of different choices of food, and it was all going down. I was slowly putting on weight. 
Doctor Glaze was happy with my progress and after some practise meals with my family at the unit where the nurses showed my mum how to check for tricks I had learnt and how to check my mouth etc, he awarded me with going home for the night. 
I was so excited that I was allowed to go home and see my family.

A taxi would pick me up and take me home and then pick me up the next day to take me back to the unit. 
Home visits were going well and I was sticking to my meal plan. I would hate leaving but I got through it. My mum bought me a diary whilst I was in the unit, which I wrote in every night, I will be posting photos of some of it later on in my blog so keep an eye out. 

I went home for a second visit  but I wasn't feeling too well.
I remember being in so much pain with my chest, I was lying in bed and I just screamed and screamed for my mum, she had to rush me to hospital as I couldn't move, I was in so much pain. 

The doctor told my mum that I had pneumonia, which wasn't great. My mum informed the unit that I would have to stay in hospital for a few days. I kept throwing up which wasn't good for my progress and as I couldn't eat anything and I was put on a drip. 
After a few days I was back in the unit, I had lost a bit of weight so the doctor wanted to keep an eye on me. I started throwing up every time after I ate, but it slowly passed and I started putting weight on again, but I wasn't happy.I had lost hope and the will to get better whilst being ill, it was at this point I started to go down hill again. 

Remember to visit my blog again tomorrow to read the next part.