One step forward for recovery

Going to the unit was my first step to recovery. It was so scary going into a hospital surrounded by nobody you know especially as I was the youngest patient there at the time.

 When I first arrived onto the ward it felt like a prison, the doors were all shut and only the nurses and doctors where allowed through them.
The nurses were supervising at all times, at the time it was annoying but looking back now I am so grateful for all the support those nurses gave me.

I remember getting shown to my room, it was so empty. Luckily my mum bought me new bed covers to put on the bed to brighten the place up a bit and my siblings would draw pictures and write cards to me so I was able to stick them up on the board in my room.

No mobiles were allowed in the hospital,so I couldn't contact anyone. I knew it was for the best but I just wanted my family.
My family would come and see me every weekend and as much as they could or were allowed to during the week, my mum used to take me to sit by the beach or go to the arcades in Rhyl,where she would push me in a wheelchair as I wasn't allowed to do any exercise.
During the nights when I couldn't hear the nurses I would do some sit ups on my floor, the voices in my head just wouldn't let me be they kept telling me I needed to do more exercise because I was fat.

First day of recovery started off  by sitting down with the Dr and speaking about the difficulties I was having,and the treatment I was going to get whilst I was there. He decided to put me on antidepressants as he told me he thought I was suffering with depression, as Anorexia most often leads to depression and sometimes vice versa. He told me I was going to see the nutritionist to plan a diet plan.

I sat down with the nutritionist on my second day of being at the hospital. I was scared and nervous as I knew this was the day she was going to start bringing food back into my diet.
The first thing she asked me was how much was I eating before coming into the hospital, she then figured out how many calories I was having each day.
 I told her I was hardly eating anything and the only thing that I could get down me was slim fast shakes, which had just over 200 calories in each bottle. The nutritionist worked out I was taking in around 400 calories a day but I was burning off  lots more than that by exercising.
The nutritionist explained to me it was dangerous what I was doing and that I needed over 2,000 calories to maintain a healthy body weight.

I was really scared at this point because I was scared of having food again.
I was also at this point put on an exercise ban and told I would have to use a wheel chair if I went out anywhere to stop me burning more calories.